Feeling overwhelmed by intense emotions? Struggling to maintain healthy relationships or manage stress? Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) can help.

What is DBT?

Developed by Dr. Marsha Linehan in the 1980s, DBT combines therapeutic methods and Zen Buddhist practices into practical tools that are simple yet effective. Whether you’re facing anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, emotional overwhelm, or substance use, DBT offers actionable techniques to manage your emotions, handle distress effectively, and improve your relationships and your overall well-being.

DBT has four main skill categories:

Mindfulness: Be aware of and accept the present moment.
Distress Tolerance: Handle emotional crises without making things worse.
Emotion Regulation: Understand and manage your emotions to improve your baseline.
Interpersonal Effectiveness: Improve communication and relationships.

How Can DBT Help You?

In this guide, you’ll discover key DBT skills and techniques you can start using today.
Let’s dive into the four main categories of DBT skills…

Mindfulness: Sensory Exercises

Mindfulness helps you stay present and grounded, which is essential for using other coping strategies effectively. Engaging your senses can reduce stress and bring you back to the present moment. Here’s an example:

Grounding Through Your Senses:

See: Notice five things around you.
Hear: Identify four sounds you hear.
Touch: Feel three things in your environment.
Smell: Recognize two scents.
Taste: Focus on one taste in your mouth.

Grounding through your senses can help you calm down and focus on the present.

Distress Tolerance Techniques for Intense Emotions

When you're in the midst of intense emotions, it's crucial to have strategies to help you cope. The TIPP approach can offer quick relief. Here’s how each step works: TIPP Stands For:

Temperature: Change your body temperature by holding an ice cube, putting an ice pack on your face or taking a cold shower.
Intense Exercise: Engage in short bursts of physical activity like jumping jacks or sprinting.
Paced Breathing: Take slow, deep breaths (in for 4 counts, out for 6).
Paired Muscle Relaxation: Tense and then relax different muscle groups. Start with the muscles in your head, then neck, chest, arms, butt, legs, then feet. For each group of muscles, tense them as much as you can, hold for a few seconds, then release.

These steps can provide quick relief during intense emotional moments, helping you regain control and composure.

Regulate Emotions with Opposite Action and Dialectics

Learning to manage and respond effectively to your emotional experiences is key to improving your mental health. Two powerful techniques in DBT are Opposite Action and Dialectics.

Opposite Action: When your emotions and behavioral urges lead you astray, do the opposite of what they urge you to do. For example, if you feel like isolating yourself but you know this would make things worse, reach out to a friend instead. This technique helps you break negative patterns and encourages behaviors that are helpful to the particular situation.
Dialectics: Embrace the idea that two opposing truths can coexist. You can accept yourself as you are while still working towards change. You can be right and another person can be right, even if your viewpoints are opposite. This perspective can reduce black-and-white thinking and promote emotional balance.

Incorporating these strategies helps you gain better control over your emotions and enhances your overall mental well-being.

Interpersonal Effectiveness with DEAR MAN

Effective communication is essential for healthy, fulfilling relationships. DEAR MAN is a helpful tool for expressing your needs and setting boundaries. It is kind of like a customizable template that you can use to figure out to ask for what you want, or develop the script to set a boundary

DEAR MAN:

Describe: Clearly describe the situation.Try to use facts and not interpretations or judgements. For example say “I have done the dishes for the past 3 nights” instead of “you never help out”.
Express: Share your feelings and needs without judgment. Again, avoid using judgements - don’t say “I feel you are being a jerk”! But rather stick to your own experience, for example: “I feel frustrated and burnt out”.
Assert: State your wishes directly. For example “Could you do the dishes tonight and tomorrow night?”
Reinforce: Highlight the benefits of meeting your needs. This can be as simple as “I would really appreciate it.” For example “This would give me a break and help me feel more calm.”
Mindful: Stay focused on your goals. Often when we ask for things we need, the people around us can respond in a way that shifts the conversation away from the ask. Here you keep re-stating your ask to make sure the conversation stays focused on what you are asking for. For example, if the person responds “well I did all the laundry last night”, don’t take the bait and start arguing about who does more! Instead, calmly re-direct by saying “I appreciate that. And I wonder if you could do the dishes tonight and tomorrow.”
Appear Confident: Maintain a calm and confident demeanor. This means staying calm(ish), making eye contact or maintaining a straight posture, and speaking in a regular volume voice.
Negotiate: Be open to compromise. For example “If you could do the dishes for the next two nights then why don’t I do the laundry next time.”

Using this structured approach, you can navigate difficult conversations with confidence and clarity, ensuring your needs are understood and respected.

Embrace DBT and Transform Your Emotional Well-Being

DBT offers a wealth of skills to help you manage your emotions and improve your relationships.

These techniques can sometimes take some practice and support to integrate into your life. Try them out and see which ones you like best! I often tell clients to practice them when you are feeling calm so that they are more available to you in times of high stress. Remember, you're not alone on this path; support is always available. Feel free to reach out if you want to learn more, or want support.

Cheers,

Mackenzie Kinmond, MSW, RSW Psychotherapist

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Build Your Emotional Intelligence and Strong Relationships through DBT